What were people keeping in fanny packs circa 1986? What could you possibly purchase at Epcot Center that would fit in one? A hot dog? Seems messy. A plastic pirate hook hand? Too big. A really large transparent poncho? That’s probably it. No one will ever know, because we can’t even remember what was for lunch on Tuesday, much less what we carried around in our waist bags while trundling in to see the latest Ford Taurus ensconced on a dais with lots of rust red deep pile shag carpet.
Ötzi the iceman had a waist pouch, presumably not in a neon blue to pink fade. He carried important bits in there, tinder fungus (not a virus you get from being on Tinder), a scraper, a boring tool (for making holes, not a tool that is boring), a bone awl, and a flint flake, which was presumably some sort of precursor to frosted flakes. He was an iceman after all.
More recently, Fanny Packs were called Sporran by the Scottish (kilts have no pockets, who knew!). In Spain they’re called kidney bags, because folks carry kidney beans in them presumably. It is clear that 1800’s fossil hunter Mary Annings of Dorset, England would have had better luck with her coprolite collection if she had had a Fanny Allen Pack instead of a silly wicker basket. These days, according to the US Census Bureau’s Fanny Pack survey of 2021, folks mostly carry snacks, tissues, hand sanitizer and pepper spray. Which makes you wonder about most folks.
The Fifth Season Canvas Fanny Allen is big enough for a rain shell, a warm hat, your phone (tucks with your wallet into the internal pocket), a small first aid kit, 1 banana or can of broad beans, that’s probably about it. It’s a good one for riding in, hiking, walking the dog and picking up their future coprolites, that sort of thing.
In typical Magic the Gathering fashion, there’s an expansion pack. You can stick a Fifth Season Solstice Sack to either side of the Fanny (using toggle/d-rings), and carry a 32oz nalgene full of your favorite liquid. Or another can of beans. There’s a daisy chain on the outside, for storing daisies. External pockets for small bits. Roll top closure, so there’s no zipper to fail. Waxed cotton because it’s tough, repairable, compostable and weather proof. Adjustable waist band for most sizes of folks. You can cross body this thing as well, because that’s the trend for some reason.
Features:
- Made from waxed canvas for durability and re-waxability
- 100% cotton webbing and metal snap/d-rings/buckles
-
-
8" wide x 6" tall x 4" deep (20cm x 15cm x 10cm) when rolled shut
- Strap adjusts from 18" to 52" (46cm to 132cm)
- 3 liters or 192 cubic inches
